Dogs in diapers

So… I’m in the shower…doin’ my thing…and I come out of the bathroom and there’s blood all over the hall. Like the aftermath of a slasher film. I KNOW there was no blood in the hall when I went into the bathroom. I’m looking around for my cats…they’re both in the bathroom, looking at me with that, “what? what do YOU want?” look on their faces. They seemed to be fine. I go into the bedroom where the boy is still asleep and I’m like…DUDE! Someone’s bleeding and it’s not the cats!
He’s all groggy…huh? whu? And I see blood on the sheets of the bed and there’s little Christian lying there licking himself.
The boy comes into the hall and says, “shit” and we go check Sam, she’s fine so it’s definitely Christian. So…he gets put outside we quickly clean up the carpet in the hall and then we begin the quest to find an emergency vet…
In the phonebook…(YES the PHONE BOOK…can you believe we didn’t even look online?) there’s one supposedly not to far away. So we call up tell them the dog is bleeding out his penis (yes he’s bleeding when he pees… and upon closer examination of the slasher-aftermath hallway I see he had attempted to lift his leg on the laundry room door…and then ended up with tiny dots of blood on the door…wall and then ALL OVER the floor) they tell us to bring him in, although they are a bit busy so there may be a wait.
The boy gets their location and address and we wrap the dog in a towel and take his whiney self into the car…where he continues to whine all the way….which ended up being LONGER than expected because the girl on the phone gave us the address for their OLD location….the one from 3 years ago…so we had to turn around and drive all the way back to the beginning because rather than turning LEFT…we went RIGHT based on the INCORRECT addres… you’d think that being at 2600 you’d say we’re at 2600…not 215! So yeah… we drive back and forth on the same road with a whiney dog. We finally arrive and go inside where there are 2 people waiting…one with a pet…and the receptionist girl isn’t anywhere to be seen… I think she may have realized the error of her ways with the address and feared I’d be arriving to maim her. But after about 3 minutes she walked up to the desk, we told her our reason for being there, she gave us forms to fill out and told us it’d be about 45 minutes. Well, about 90 mintues later the boy takes the dog into an exam room. I waited in the waiting area.
As I’m waiting during the exam a woman comes in with a dog wrapped in a towel. Her dog is bleeding too, but because he tore out a claw. During her story to the receptionsit I hear that her husband called her FRANTIC over the bleeding dog and made her come home to bring him to the clinic….why HE couldn’t do it was a mystery to her.
Then a married couple with a baby comes in (no pet) they’re there to pick up their dog. The man sits on the bench (these benches are like hard wooden park benches…not comfortable at all) and he promtly begins SNORING. The woman says to the baby, “yeah, daddy got less sleep that I did, but he’s really tired” She walks across the waiting area trying to keep the baby happy. They bring out the dog and then finally Dad wakes up. The dog has a red cast on it’s right front leg. Mom puts the baby in the car seat and holds the dog. The baby begins to cry…Dad goes off down the hall.
A man comes in to pick up medicine for his pet. It isn’t ready yet so he’s got to wait.
A nurse comes in with papers and a bag. The Mom goes up to the counter writes a check and is told to have a seat while they wait for discharge instructions.
The receptionist tells the man his medicine is ready. He pays for it and takes the bag from the counter. 2 seconds after he’s out the door the receptionst begins to freak out and mutters, “he’s got the wrong medicine” and runs out the door screaming at the man.
My boy comes back without the dog. Sits down to wait. The doctor comes up to us and says she’s going to “extract urine” from the dog to check out under a microscope. The boy tells me she had stuck her fingers in an unpleasant place for the dog and said “biggest problem is that I can’t tell him to turn his head and cough”. The doc goes away….then comes back a few minutes later with Christian and a syringe of yellow liquid. She said she was going to the lab to look at it under a microscope. And off she went… so I think by this point a total of maybe 3 hours has gone by since we walked in the door. Now we got the whiney dog on our laps in the waiting room.
A couple comes into the waiting room from the hallway where the boy went with the dog. They’ve got an empty carrier in their hands. The doctor is with them holding a cat. She says something to the receptionist nods at the couple and walks away with the cat. The receptionist hands them a stack of paper saying something about “Estimate” the doctor comes back with another piece of paper, they sit on a bench and she talks to them. She’s speaking quietly so I can’t hear what she’s saying. Later the man goes up to the receptionist and she says, “I just need $700 now…” and I’m thinking if he’s paying half now…that’s like $1400 for the cat…what on EARTH is wrong with their cat?
Then…a woman comes in with a boxer on a leash… Christian decides it’s time to bark at other animals. The entire time the dog was in the waiting room they barked at each other. After about 10 minutes of that they took the boxer away.
So after a total of about 4 hours we finally find out that Christian has a prostate infection. He’s on antibiotics right now, once those are done the dog must be castrated because the infections will only continue. Why the boy didn’t fix him from the start is beyond me. But now he’s got to do it.
So in the meantime because the antibiotics will take time to kick in. Christian is wearing a doggy diaper. They’re plastic lined denim pants made for female dogs in heat. They get a panty liner stuck inside to prevent leaking. there’s even a cute little bandanna piece around the opening for his tail. Now the first pair of diapers we got for him were meant for medium sized dogs. We bring it home it fits him just fine around his body….till we notice his boy parts are hanging out over the rim of the pants. Which defeats the entire purpose of the diaper. So we return the medium and get the large…thinking, this ought to be fine. We get home pull out the larger diaper… put it on the dog…the “large” size is made for a large AROUND dog. So the one strap totally wraps around his body leaving the other strap no velcro. So off I go to Osco to get diaper pins…
But now the diaper is on the dog…he looks completely ridiculous…
And being a male dog…a male dog with an infection in his male parts…. he pushes down the diaper and licks himself leaving the diaper not covering his stuff and thus bleeding still on my beige carpeting… frickin’ dog…

Once I can catch him, I’ll post a photo of him in the girly diaper…

Pirate Alice is the owner and operator of this blog. She exclusively writes all posts here. She's a web developer, social media enthusiast, and a groovy chick

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