Hey you,

Yeah, it’s me. I’m about 3 months away from celebrating our 2nd annual 39th birthday. Yes, I’m calling it that…mostly because our 39th birthday was pretty frickin’ lame. There’s nothing you can do about it though, so start planning now to celebrate 39 a second time and try to do it up big.

With that said, I’m not sure what to say to you. I keep having flashes of Diane Court in Say Anything giving her valedictorian speech saying, “I’ve glimpsed our future and all I can say is, GO BACK.”  I’m not saying it sucks here on the brink of a new decade of life, but from where you are to where I am now, it’s hard. Really, really hard. I don’t want to scare you, it’s not just 20 years of suck. There are amazing things ahead, but for each amazing thing, it seems you’ve got to endure some serious shit.  I’m sorry. None of it is any of your doing. It’s just what life throws at you. There’s nothing you can do to change any of it so just accept it and keep going. Sure there are some things I’d like to tell you to avoid, but those things are what makes me who I am now. I’m OK with who I am right now. OK, maybe you should drink more water, and try to save more money. But aside from that, things are what they are; you’ve got to take the bad if you want the good.

Keep in mind you don’t have to shoulder everything all alone. You don’t have to be the strong one all the time. You can ask for help, there’s nothing weak about asking for help. And speaking of weak, it’s OK to cry. Really. You aren’t a cry baby, you aren’t going to be laughed at, and you will be able to stop. I know you think it makes you look weak, but there’s nothing weak about crying. There will come a day, when the shit really hits the fan and you won’t be able to control it any longer. You will cry with such pain, the sound will terrify you. But don’t worry; you will be able to stop. You’ll pull yourself together and you will be able to move on. I just wonder if you cried more in the past if that moment wouldn’t have been so terrifying.

You are amazing at finding and keeping friends. It may not feel like it, but it’s true. Keep treating people right and learn to lean on them. You have collected the most amazing group of friends. You will surround yourself with people who care about you, who love you and want the best for you. Sometimes it won’t sound like it, but really, they do. Those people are telling you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear, that’s what makes them your friend. No matter how far away these people are, keep them close to your heart. Even if they are people you haven’t met in person, they are all important, and you will eventually meet them in person. (I know this sounds odd to be friends with someone you haven’t met, but roll with me here, it’ll be clear to you soon enough.)

Oh, and when you’re writing in your journal, could you try writing about the good things as well as all the bad stuff? Reading those journals now, you sound like some kind of whiny, angst ridden teenager. Seriously, life wasn’t ALL bad. Celebrate the good by writing it down. I know that you work out the crap by writing about it. But share the good too would you?

In the end what I want to say is, be good to yourself. You deserve happiness, love, and to be treated well. You are beautiful inside and out. Yes, you ARE, don’t fight with me. I’m an old woman who knows more than you do. Enjoy the next 20 years of living, go crazy, do all kinds of things. You have no regrets so, live it up. Have fun. I’ll see you when you get here.

This is supposed to be funny?

This was today’s Brevity comic. Usually I find this comic to be amusing but today I thought it was just offensive. Am I supposed to expect that because he is fat he wants the whipped cream? Is this meant to be funny because we could think, “oh he’s fat he shouldn’t have it but he wants it?”

Honestly, a fat guy being asked if he wants whipped cream…is that the joke there? So a skinny guy being asked the same question wouldn’t be funny?

This just really annoys me. Fat people are stereotyped as being gluttonous, lazy, and eating nothing but junk food. If I were asked the question I’d say no, I don’t want whipped cream. Not because it’s unhealthy but because whipped cream makes me sick, and because I don’t particularly like the taste.

Let’s not make jokes about fat people and their eating habits. You, Mr Skinnypants don’t know jack shit about anyone’s eating habits but your own. What people eat is none of your business, so just STFU.

The comic pictured is property of guy & rodd dist by UFS, Inc. In no way am I implying I own this image by posting it here.

Whether it is an x-lover, friend, relative, co-worker or boss. If this person makes you feel like crap, treats you badly and is all passive-aggressive with you. Why the hell are you keeping them around? If you saw this person treat your BFF or your child the way they are treating you, wouldn’t you kick that person in the ass and say, “take a hike!”

Call me cold, call me uncaring, but when my friend told me how she was treated by someone she considered close to her, I told her to chuck that jerkface to the curb. That person OBVIOUSLY doesn’t care about her so why have them in your life? And she will be reminded of this with every single future interaction she has with that person. The behavior will never change and there is no sane reason in this world to put up with it.

Keep the haters and self absorbed jerks away. Surround yourself with love and positive energy, it will change your view of the world.

I find it rather amusing though that if my car were to have some sort of issue I’d be more careful and certainly more likely to take it to a mechanic. But when it comes to my body having problems, I’ve got the attitude of, “walk it off!” Hoping this problem will just go away. It does make me wonder if this attitude is based on my weight. Everyone is so quick to blame health problems on being over weight when in fact it could very well be something else. “If I move more I’ll feel better because this pain is really just because I’m so horribly fat,” seems to be a very popular thought to any ache or pain I experience. However, I’ve managed to maintain this weight (give or take a few pounds each direction) for the past 5+ years. I’ve never experienced knee pain like this, ever in my life. I’m not so sure this is a “OMGURFAT” problem.

Don’t worry though, my doctors have offices down the road from my office and my personal doctor has Saturday hours. So I’ve asked for an appointment via the website. And if I get my insurance card before an appointment is confirmed through the website, I’ll be calling for an appointment. Although I dread the diagnosis (websites give me everything from gout to arthritis to bursitis and torn meniscus) I know the only way to fix this pain is to see a professional.

Stay tuned… eventually I’ll be able to go to the doctor again. In the meantime I need to try and take it easy. This evening trying to sit with my knee elevated and the ice pack on it was so uncomfortable. Nothing seems to help, I’m open to suggestions.

Mommy's Time Out

The whole conversation had me digging through my archives to find any posts about being drunk. In the process I discovered the early posts had no titles and that caused issues because there was no link to view the whole post. Last night was spent going through about 4 years of posts fixing that issue. Now the archives can be viewed in all their craptastic glory. In particular this post of drunken haiku from August of 2002. I believe that is the last time I was close to crap-toast drunk. Pitchers of margarita were involved in that evening.

Honestly though, I think the last time I was puking drunk was an evening out with friends that I no longer talk to at the shitty night club that had a very short existence in my south suburban hometown. I recall the next morning feeling like serious shit, being called by that “manager” I had at the used cd store who lied about why she wanted me to come in to work. Then I was trapped there the whole day feeling like death-warmed-over with no water or aspirin and wanting to vomit every 5 minutes. My Dad came by and brought me food, but yeah. I could have used a gallon or two of water and a nice lie down, rather than actual food. I think that night, was when I decided I’d never drink toward hangover ever again. Plus, that “manager” was a total bitch. She lied on several occasions about needing me to come fill in for her “for just a few minutes” while she took off to bang some guy, never to return. (I’m assuming she was banging the guys but yeah, she was always walking away with a guy.) So when I chose not to show up until the end of a shift, and then hand over my keys to quit, I really felt triumphant. Especially when I heard her shouting to the other girl who worked there on the verge of tears, “She just QUIT!?” heh…ahh to be 22 again and live with Dad.

So, dear readers, is there a time when getting crap-toast drunk is appropriate? Are we allowed one drunken night per month (year? week? decade?) depending on the occasion? Is there an occasion where drunk is OK? What do you think?

In other news, I’m going to attempt to do a detoxifying cleanse. I’ve never done one before and I found one that allows you to eat food while you’re on the cleanse so you will never be hungry. I think I’ll be OK with it. You make green juice out of whatever green vegetables you want (they recommend kale, celery, cucumber, wheat grass and sprouts) and drink that all day. In addition to the juice you’re allowed to eat raw vegetables.  No processed foods, no refined sugar, no animal flesh, no grains. It sounds like I can have fruit, which I’m excited about cuz I love fruit. As many know my views of fruit is it’s like eating fun. Fruit is a tasty piece of excitement in your mouth. I don’t know how anyone could not like fruit. The only fruit I don’t care for is grapefruit. It’s just too sour, never liked the stuff. Is coconut a fruit? I don’t care for the texture of coconut. But all other fruits, I love them.  And for those who know my insanity of being a picky eater, I feel safe with this cleanse since they want you to eat raw vegetables. The variety of raw vegetables I like is a much longer list than that of the cooked veg that I will eat. When I learned you could eat salad without salad dressing I was amazed at how salad was actually good. Yeah, I wouldn’t touch any salad dressing when I was a kid. It all looked really gross to me.  I think the one thing I’ll miss the most during the next two weeks is peanut butter. Oh how I LOVE peanut butter. And lately I’ve taken to baking bread. Although, the latest loaf taught me that you can’t rush bread and you really should start baking early in the morning. You need to give it time to rise, you can’t jump forward to the next step if you don’t let it rise. The bread still tasted good, it is just pretty dense.

If you want to follow along with the cleanse experience you can read about it over on the Finding Thin blog. Starting Monday is the “pre-cleanse” and then the following week is the actual cleanse.  Yeah, two weeks without my beloved PB&J…how will I survive? And yeah, no soda either! I’ve finished the last of it that was in the house, so.. it’s only water now. Maybe some herbal tea if I’m really craving something. So please, join me over at the Finding Thin blog and follow along.

Yesterday was seriously a crappy day for me. Tuesday I was home sick, scratchy throat clogged ears. Yesterday the faucet of my nose got turned on, went to work anyway. Felt exhausted. Came home from work and the basement was flooded cuz the sump-pump decided to stop working. All the empty boxes we’d be using for the next move got wet, full boxes that weren’t unpacked got wet, the TV that is not currently being used got wet. Yeah, lots of wet stuff. Fun way to end the day.

UPDATE: The flood was not caused by the failure of the sump-pump, it was actually a frozen pipe.

At work, everyone was given a $100 Visa Gift Card by one of our most used vendors. Unfortunately no one can activate the gift cards cuz we don’t know what phone number was used to order the cards. “Here’s $100, but you can’t spend it!”

and the kicker of the day… Well, let me just say this. Anyone who sends someone a letter and hides behind an invalid email as well as an incomplete return address/fake name is a coward. Nothing said by such a person can be considered truthful, nor can I trust that such a person is stable mentally. The police WILL be contacted a report WILL be filed and the letter will be kept in a safe place should any further action be taken by said cowardly person. Don’t mess with me or my family or my friends. I’m not a nice person when messed with, in fact, I’m a raving bitch.