In the past I’d hang decorations and trim my tree in an attempt to push away the bad feelings. This year I’ve decided there are no good feelings and no bad feelings. They are what they are and it’s important we accept them, feel all of them. If we keep repressing our feelings because they are “bad” they’ll just consume us. So, I’m going to allow myself to feel a little bit down, a little lonely. I’m going to embrace the sadness of missing my parents,  brother, and sister because I know that sadness could never exist if I had never felt their love. It’s by loving them and knowing how they love me that this sadness is here.

This year I vow to take comfort in the peace this solitude brings me, feel the sadness of loss and separation, and celebrate the love of my family and friends.

Happy Holidays everyone! My the new year bring you many joys and lots of love.

My dad

This year marks 15 years without you on this earth. I miss you every day. There are so many times I want to just walk up to you and hug you and tell you how much I love you.

I know that if you were still here, there would be many issues we’d disagree upon. We would probably fight and I’d walk out thinking you’re a foolish old man who doesn’t understand the world today. I’d probably complain about your archaic way of thinking to my friends and how you say the most offensive things. But in the end, I’d accept that you would never change and I’d learn to avoid those subjects when around you.

I wish you had lived to see how I’ve learned to cook. I would love to get your opinion on some of the things I’ve made. I’d also like to get your recipe for Swedish Meatballs and that awesome cinnamon crumb cake you made in the cast iron frying pan. I’d like the chance to sit at the table with you, watching the news, waiting for you to shout out some nonsense word and then tell me it’s gingivitis backwards.

You were a really awesome dad. I never doubted your love for me. I know you wanted the best for all of us and you did everything you could to provide for your family.  Through all the crap that happens in life, I’m always able to find something to smile about. I credit you for giving me that ability. I treasure the sense of humor you gave me. You taught me to be independent and strong, to drive offensively- in every sense of the word, and through your actions you showed me what it means to have integrity.

I love you, Dad. I miss you.  Happy Father’s Day.

Mission Impossipeep

More detailed photos can be found on my Flickr Stream

My street with snow

Posted via email from Piratealice’s posterous

Love to you all!