Dread Pirate Alice

I am SO dead!

If you’ve been watching my twitter stream you’ll see that I’ve been more alert to my surroundings. I caught Dawn of the Dead (the newest one with Ving Rhames) on Sci Fi this weekend. In combination with my Christmas present from sis I have realized I will not survive when the dead rise.

A) My apartment is near a hospital
B) My office is near a hospital
As people fall ill to the virus, they’ll go to the emergency room…hospitals will be SWARMING with zombies. Which in turn will make the entire area a death pit.

C) I live in the city
Too many people here = too many zombies I’ll never get away

D) I have a car – I don’t have a bike
Cars will be useless. Roads will be blocked by dead cars as well as swarms of zombies. A bike is much more maneuverable, and it wont run out of gas unless you get tired. And you are guaranteed to get a burst of adrenaline as you see the mass of zombies coming after you.

E) I don’t own any weapons – except a bat.
We all know that there are only two ways to kill a zombie, remove it’s head and burn it. My upper body strength wont remove a head from a dead body with the swing of my bat. Also, you have to get much too close to the reanimated dead for the bat to be effective. I’m so dead. I need to buy a gun and LOTS of bullets. Or perhaps a flame thrower?

F) I have no escape plan.
My landlord has padlocked access to the roof. I can’t even hide on the roof of my building. If I got out of the city in my car, where would I go? I have friends in the suburbs, but are they safe? Do they have a plan? Are ANY of them thinking ahead about the zombie invasion? I can’t know for sure.

The only thing going for me is as the world ends, I will have marketable skills to help rebuild society. I can sew, knit and crochet. Although, I’ll need to learn more skills, really make a plan. Perhaps I should start learning to make paper, how to turn bones into needles, make thread and fabric, spin yarn. Seriously, what good is it to know how to sew, knit and crochet if there are no needles, yarn or material being made? Farming, I really should learn how to farm…

TPTB

So, a prayer was answered for me a couple weeks ago. It shocked me because The Powers That Be usually just say “Pffft!” and ignore me. This was something new for me. It gave me much confirmation on things that I really needed. So, I’ve started more prayers to TPTB and it seems once again they’re saying “Pfft, wasn’t that thing from two weeks ago ENOUGH FOR YOU?!”
Yeah, TPTB seem like pissy bitches don’t they? Yeah, I’m looking at you! I’ve called you PISSY BITCHES! Go ahead rain down your wrath….whatever.
It seems asking for winning lottery tickets doesn’t work nor does asking for the ability to crush someone like an insect under your shoe. I guess they draw the line at granting prayers that cause physical violence. But ya know, sometimes you just REALLY REALLY want to crush someone with a bat, or your shoe….but I think a bat would be more effective.
For a while there it seemed like the Universe had stopped shitting on me, but it’s back to normal. Carry on!