Dread Pirate Alice

WTF?!?

OK, so it snowed hard here this weekend. On Saturday, when I came home for the evening it was still snowing, I felt it would be a darn good idea to start shoveling a bit to make the pile of snow less on the sidwalk come morning. So I drop my stuff off inside the house and get ready to go back outside. Well one of the boys in the house decides shoveling is a Man’s Job and he’s going to do it cuz “poor lil ole me” can’t handle the tough guy job of shoveling.

HOWEVER… come Sunday morning when I’m cleaning the kitchen…the mess the same boy made over the past several weeks, the mess that boy never bothered to clean, do you think he’d say, “oh no, let me clean the mess I made.” HA! Obviously cleaning up a kitchen requires a VAGINA! The several hours it took to clean the kitchen never was a word mentioned about how this mess SHOULD be cleaned by anyone but me. I don’t mind cleaning the pans I dirtied and left sitting out. Cuz ya know, it’s my mess. I did that, I left it for a time when I was prepared to clean it. But when I have to clean someone elses spills on my stove top or someone elses crap left on the counter. It pisses me off. What is your problem that you can’t clean up after yourself? If you spill on the stove, CLEAN IT UP. If you are capable of using my stove, you are capable of cleaning up after yourself. And don’t give me that lame bullshit that you “MEANT” to get to it. Cuz once you saw me cleaning it up, you should have said, “Oh, I did that, let me help you.”

And then today… when leaving the house… there was snow piled on the porch cuz no one bothered to go do the manly job of shoveling on Sunday. Do you think anyone bothered to brush the snow off the stairs? HEAVENS NO! Nevermind the fact that there’s a broom next to the door that could be used to brush the snow off the stairs as you go down. No… the men are going to work, they can’t be bothered to push the snow off the steps as they leave. They just trounce through the snow cuz they’re MANLY MEN WHO DON’T MIND WET FEET.

Do you think the snow was brushed off the steps when they came back from work? PFFT! AS IF! These same boys have been at work ALL DAY. They are much too tired to use a broom, much less a shovel.

Who cleaned my stairs you ask? Why I did…me, the last one home today cleaned the stairs off before even setting my bag inside the house. I also shoveled the walk in front of the porch too. Fortunately some lovely person with a snowblower did our whole walk for us on Sunday when everyone was too busy to shovel, clean a bathroom or the kitchen, or clean anything else in this house for that matter. At least there is ONE MAN in this neighborhood who is willing to do some kind of household chore.

Frothy Cocktails!

I dunno what got into me, but the past couple weeks I’ve been craving cocktails. It could have been the cocktail show I caught on….whatever channel it was that had a cockatil show. Or it could have been…yeah I have no idea what else could have me craving frothy cocktails. But tonight was the company Christmas Holiday party. Apparently this soiree was planned back in March to be held at the lame sports bar on the corner. The same place we have ANY company going away party, or other “outing” with free booze. Why did you have to plan this in MARCH? Dude it’s not like it’s FANCY or like people WANT to have a party there. UGH.

Anyway, the party was there, and it was fine. The food was…acceptable. I started with a margarita because it was the first beverage that came to mind. All the lovely drinks dude on the cocktail show talked about were out of my brain. I got my margarita (on the rocks – with salt) tasted…odd. Something wasn’t right it was too sweet. A margarita shouldn’t be sweet. I drank it anyway cuz I’m not one to complain to the bartender, who knows what she’ll mix up next for you. I decide my next drink will be a cider (Woodchuck – cuz they carry it) and I’ll be done for the night. I will not satiate the craving for Frothy Cocktails, at least, not in front of my co-workers. But the forces of frothy cocktails were against me. Apparently our private party isn’t allowed CIDER! NO WOODCHUCK FOR YOU!

I said, fine, and got a second margarita. Which again did not taste right. So later, after I finished the second, and ate the acceptable food. I went to the bar to get…something. I ask a co-worker what she’s been drinking and she lists off, a litany of assorted mixed drinks and ends with Miller Light but then she says, “our bartender was mixing up her signature drink earlier, the Key Lime Pie, it was REALLY GOOD.”

Key Lime Pie… I LOVE KEY LIME PIE!

I ordered one straight away, took it to the table I had been sitting at and take a sip… OMG! The heavens opened, I heard the trumpets of angels, a beam of light shone down on the glass in my hand. I am DRINKING A PIE! It was SO GOOD. I was SO GLAD I hadn’t discovered this drink earlier in the evening or I’d have had like… 80 of them, they tasted so good. I have no idea what is in this beverage… this FROTHIEST OF COCKTAILS EVER. But it is AWESOME.

Unfortunately (or fortunately?) I was only able to consume 2 of them before they shouted last call and kicked us out. I had a total of 4 cocktails, I wasn’t drunk, but I was happy, although the bus/train/bus trip home took the happy away it did not remove the craving for more Key Lime Pie drinks. That bartender is A GOD! I may need to return to the lame sports bar on the corner for a night of key lime pie drinking and debauchery without the co-workers.