Nothing is less attractive…

So last night was the big Alanis Morissette concert. It was a fundraiser thing for La Rabida Children’s Hospital. I got tickets and took a sweet friend, who I belive has no website. The evening started off wonderfully. We met up and went over to Daley Plaza where there is this Christkindlmarket happening. It’s the coolest. It’s a little German village of shops and food and gloegg which if you don’t care much for wine, you’re not really going to like it. But it comes in a cute little souvenir mug. The shops sell Christmas ornaments and lacey stuff and neat German things. So we each got a brat and a mug of gloegg and sat at a table with a nice little group of people who were incredibly funny.

Then it was off to be angry angst crazed women at the Chicago Theater with Alanis. We had fabulous seats about 5 rows from the stage. Tonic was the opening act, and I have a friend who I think would love that CD. I thought they were pretty good. Alanis came on and she totally rocked. The two seats to my left were open until just moments before Alanis came on. And the people who occupied the seats were Obnoxious Drunk Guy and Slutty Girl. Now ODG could barely stand, and he immediately poured beer down my leg and all over my shoe. SG also was drunk and she did that slutty dance where you roll your head around flipping your hair all over and wiggling your breasts around. Now, ODG was SO INTO HER, that she didn’t need to do all that flipping and wiggling. And he couldn’t keep his arms INSIDE his seating area. He kept elbowing me in the side and pushing me I was ready to take his beer cup and shove it up his ass. But, I was able to control myself and he survived without a plastic beer cup in his anus. Now ODG has this little disposable camera and he’s so proud of having snuck it in. The people behind ODG and SG are all like, “How did you get that in the door? They made me check mine at the coat check.” and such. There’s a security guy standing RIGHT NEXT to ODG and he is pointing this camera up at the ceiling. I’m mentally telling the security guy to take the camera way and kick ODG and SG out, but he just frowned at them and told him “put it away or I’ll take it away” so ODG slipped it in his pocket. Then ODG and the Giggley Drunk Women behind him start talking about Alanis and her song “You Oughta Know” and how it was written for Matthew Perry from Friends. Now we all know this is NOT TRUE. She wrote the song for Dave Coulier who played Joey Gladstone on Full House (you know the show that launched The Olsen Twins career). So I can’t let ODG go on giving out incorrect trivial information. I turn to the people behind me and say, “It wasn’t Matthew Perry from Friends, it was Joey on Full House. The funny guy with the blond hair.” And they’re like, ‘Ohhh.. right.” and I’m thinking, “Of course I’m right, I’m not drunk.”

So Alanis comes on and ODG starts flailing around and hopping out into the aisle and taking pictures and shouting obnoxiously. All the people in our area were staring at him disgustedly. Oh, I forgot to mention. Not only was he unattractivly drunk, but he also had his little sweater tucked in to the FRONT of his pants only. Yeah, ODG had gone through all the trouble to tuck in his sweater, not only is he Obnoxious Drunk Guy but now he’s Sweater Boy too… So he’s bouncing all over, spilling more beer on the floor. SG is flipping and wiggling, the two start rubbing against each other. My friend and I are looking at each other and thinking the same thing, nothing is less attractive than sloppy drunk people. Security pushes them back to their seats out of the aisle. He dramatically takes off the sweater revealing his nasty beer belly and revolting hawaiian shirt under the sweater.

Then they see him take a picture and they start bugging him and he gets more obnoxious. Then one security guy comes along and tries to take him outside to check his camera. And oneof the GDW says, “He’s with me” as if that means something important. If I were that security guy I’d have told her, “He’s breaking the rules, and if he’s with you then you’re both getting ejected.” But I don’t think he said that… although he should have. Well, I guess they only took ODG’s camera away cuz he returned. But not for long. He got tired of being watched by the security guys and left before Alanis’s final encore. But, he forgot his sweater.

And after the show was complete, I discover ODG not only poured his beer down my leg but he also poured it on my coat. So I got to walk the streets of Chicago reeking of beer as my friend and I went off to a party she had been invited to. She attends church at Holy Name Cathedral and they were having some kinda Young Adult party thing going on at some building I’ve never been to before. It was surprisingly lots of fun, and not at all churchy as I feared when I walked in the door. Although I should have realized that with it being a Catholic thing, it wouldn’t be all that churchy. It’s been so long since I had attended any church events that I forgot how not churchy the Catholic events can be. So I met some new people, and over the next week if I run into them I’ll most certainly remember their names (can’t guarantee anything after that) so it was a good evening. I had fun and laughed a lot.