Welness Check
My sister emails me saying, “So are you ok? I know you guys are getting hit with some pretty bad storms. We got them this morning. Email me and let me know you’re not dead”
I tell her I’m fine…and then we have a little chat:
ME: so I’ve been discussing with Janine how ineffective it is to email someone to see if they’re still alive like… say my power went out and some guy broke into my apartment to steal my laptop…. he hits me on the head with the laptop cracking my head open I go unconscious and fall to the floor… blood gushing from the dent in my head…
HER: ok
ME: he cracks the security on the laptop and uses my accounts to email people making them THINK that he’s me…. meanwhile i’m bleeding to death on my couch with the cats licking my cold dead face… see… Janine and I have the whole scenario down….
HER: ok
ME: a phone call to check and see if I’m alive is much more effective
HER: well the email is a good way to check at first and then a call later
ME: not if some guy is using my laptop pretending to be me telling you I’m OK
HER: like that would really happen
ME: it could happen….
HER: what about when you don’t show up to work
ME: people wont notice that I’m not here until around 11am or so… and then they’ll try to call me… MAYBE… we’re very laid back here..
HER: oh gee you need to settle down
ME: but I wont answer…and no one has any way to get into my apartment… much less a way to call my landlord cuz they don’t know who he is. and there I am on my couch….decomposing…. eventually someone will smell my dead body and call the police or the landlord…
HER: oh dear
ME: heh
HER: you are a freak
ME: No.. I’m just being logical you calling me and scaring the burglar guy away would be more effecitve than emailing me
HER: riiight freak
ME: yeah… he’d be menacing me and all GRRRR and the phone would ring and he’d PANIC and say “Answer it!” and I would and you’d say, “Pattie, are you OK? Tell me you’re alive” and I’d use the secret code to tell you that I’m not OK “Mr Snickerflutz how are you? Yes, I’m fine but I can’t help you with that, please call Mr. Blatzlplatz.” and then you’d be like.. OH MYGOD some guy is menacing my sister and he’s going to kill her and steal her laptop! and you’d call the police and tell them.
HER: you are too much Mr. Blazplazs? whos to say that I’d actually call at that EXACT moment
ME: Blatzlplatz
HER: why am i calling him..
ME: because that’s how it ALWAYS works in the movies.. duh Blatzlplaz is the code name for the POLICE…
HER: oh…i don’t watch those movies
ME: if I said “call Mr Richtenstein” that’d mean that I feel sick and can’t move… I need an ambulance…
HER: why don’t I know these things
ME: I can’t believe you don’t know this!! well… it could be that it’s because I made it up at this exact moment…
HER: have you been watching scary movies or montell?
ME: no… i watch CSI and Jonathan Creek
HER: you need to stop that
ME: and The Swan
HER: definately stop that
ME: but the Swan is so good!
HER: what ever
ME: extreme make over home edition? is that acceptible?
HER: yeah
ME: OK… oh and I watch Alias too.. that’ll have it’s season finale on Sunday
HER: i think i need to cancel your satelite….tv does things to your head
ME: my head was this way before TV
HER: i don’t know about that
ME: what? you think I got this way because of TV watching?
HER: yes
ME: well, I didn’t.. i just have an over active imagination
